Misunderstand
by Chocolate-Obsessed
Summary: A story from Gojyo's POV, a reflection on Gojyo's insecurities and his relationship with Hakkai. Not GojyoxHakkai, yet, it may be, but implies SanzoxGoku.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki, though it is fun to write about.

A/N: This idea came to when I was listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers song Savior, and there is one quote from that song in here. The title is actually part of the song too. Give me a review and tell me what dialogue is from the song. It doesn't appear until later though... I'll tell you in the A/N before the chapter.

Right, right, now for a warning: I don't put any slash in here, though it is implied. And its rather...well, you'll see if you read this. Just my take on what a relationship between Sanzo and Goku would be like.

Misunderstand

I sighed. The town seemed to be running from us. Hakkai said it would only take an hour to get to the next one, but that was a lie. Even if he didn't mean it to be. We'd been on the road for close to four hours, and the tight-assed priest wouldn't let us stop. The monkey was getting squirming, and since I was in the back with him, I was getting annoying. Oh, not to me or the dimwit sitting in the back with me, but to a certain gun-wielding monk. Sometimes I think that the only reason me and the monkey fight is to piss that guy off. He's so melodramatic.

"Hakkai," I said. "When are we gonna get there, I don't know how much more I can take of this."

"Gojyo," he replied. "I can honestly say I don't know." He shook his head. "Sanzo, I think stopping now would be a good idea, just for a little while," he added when he saw the look Sanzo was giving him.

Sanzo acquiesced when he was pestered long enough by me and Goku. When we work as a team, no one can stand us. It almost makes me respect him. Almost.

Though I pity him too. Watching him get out of Jeep was painful for me. He couldn't straighten up fully, and when he slipped and fell on the ground he lay there for a couple of seconds forcing the tears back in. Sanzo takes him too rough. But Goku would never complain, never. And so the stupid monkey accepts the bruises, heh, and gives Sanzo some too. Sanzo is better at hiding it, but he's got a couple of them. The monkey isn't as tame as he looks. Why they insist on hurting each other throughout the night is beyond me. I could see the thrill in it, but it's not worth the pain after. Pleasure without pain, that's my philosophy.

The break wasn't even worth stopping the car. I barely had time to light a cigarette before the others were packed back in Jeep. I took my sweet time getting back, although I didn't go as slow as I could've, they would have left without me on the priests wishes. The rest of the ride was terrible, though notably short. We reached the town within the hour, and an inn. Thank god. We were all getting tired of sitting in such close quarters and I needed a soft bed to fall on. The monkey needed food, Hakkai needed whatever he needed, and Sanzo needed a quiet spot to sit and mull over more threats he could use against us. Or at least that was my take on it. I'm probably right though.

I couldn't wait to eat, to get a beer, to finally be back in civilization. The monkey couldn't wait either, but when has he ever tried? We ordered, and I thank the parents of our waitress, because she served as fast as humanly possible. With food in my stomach I was less likely to get as annoyed with the idiot stuffing his face next to me.

"Hey, that was mine!" Monkey-boy whined at me. I stuck out my tongue and licked the spring roll all over the second he made to reach for it back.

"Yeah? But it was just laying there, asking me to eat it, and how could I deny that?" I asked sarcastically back. "And you weren't eating it anyway."

"I had a bun in my mouth! How am I supposed to eat all the food on my plate at once!" He complained.

"Then you shouldn't get so upset about food on the table being eaten." I smirked back at him.

"IT WAS ON MY PLATE!" He screamed back. I ate the roll and grinned back at his furious face.

"Whatever," I said nonchalantly, "it's gone now."

The rest of the meal was some variation of that fight, either with me eating off his plate or him stealing off of mine. And there was a couple of shots fired, and an attempt of mediation from our other companions. The only time all four of us were completely quiet was after all the food had been eaten. I was on my third beer, I was going slow tonight, and the monkey was half asleep.

All four of us walked to our rooms, me and Hakkai in a room, because of Sanzo's and Goku's new found activity. I didn't mind though, just like old times. And it was much more pleasant with him than it was with the idiot and his snoring. Hakkai was always quiet. When we left the other two to their own devices, we walked slower to our room. The energy was draining out of me quicker than if I were a colander full of water. We reached our room and the first thing I saw was a bed. Oh, the person who created the bed was my idol, and I stumbled forward toward it. Before I fell onto it, though, I felt a strange wave of fear pass through me. And taking it as nothing, I took off my shirt and fell to sleep.

A/N: End of chapter one. This is my first long Saiyuki fic, and it wont be funny like my one shot. Review please, tell me what you think. It's not too interesting right now, but it will be. Trust me.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I still don't own Saiyuki. Maybe by the next chapter :P

Chapter Two:

My eyes flitted open. I knew I wasn't awake, that this was a dream, but everything felt so real. I felt the soft grass I was sitting on, the tree I was leaning on, the sunlight warming my skin. I could feel the breeze gently blow my hair in front of my face, obscuring my vision in a wash of red. I looked out at the scenery, admiring the peaceful swaying of the trees across the grass field in front of me. This was the kind of dream I liked. Not the horrendous nightmares I usually have.

I started to close my eyes when I heard my name called out. It was faint, far away, but getting louder. Even from that distance, I knew who it was.

"Hakkai?" I asked in disbelief. I don't usually dream about guys, not even about him. I started to focus in on an object that looked like it was running toward me, though I couldn't shake the feeling that it was only materializing in front of me, not running. It was Hakkai, with another person, I couldn't see who it was, their body was surrounded by shadow, but I could tell that it was female.

"Hey, Hakkai," I said again when the picture was fully there. Hakkai stood there, and something about him made my skin crawl. He wasn't smiling, but that wasn't it. There was something more...

"Who's that Hakkai?" I asked looking at the shadow woman.

"That is my sister," he replied, in a cold tone. Suddenly it made sense why my dream put her in a shadow, I don't know what she looked like. My subconscious could've made more of an effort though, a woman's figure shrouded in black was... unimaginative. I reached out to shake her hand, but Hakkai swiped it away.

"Don't touch her," He said with acid in his voice. I looked at him in shock. "You're too dirty to touch anything that's even modestly better than you."

"Hakkai...what the hell...?" I stammered out. Why was he saying these things?

"I've finally come to my senses, I never should have tried to be your friend, you're not worthy, not worthy of the amity I could have given you. You're just a filthy little half-breed."

I stood there in horror at the malice in the words he was saying. This was unlike him, what had affected this change? I looked over at the shadowy figure and thought, her, it's her. Then a notion presented itself to me. He was going to leave. He was going to leave me for her. A voice in the back of my head said, 'yeah, well, why wouldn't he? He loves her, and you're...well, I can't say just a friend, he shattered that concept a while ago.'

I shrunk to my knees and started to whisper my thoughts aloud.

Then I looked up, straight into the fiery green eyes. "Why are you being so mean? It was a dirty shot to bring in my lineage."

"Oh, but its true," he said, squatting down to look straight into my eyes. "And because you weren't loved as a child, you sought that from me, but I'm sick and tired of it. I'm not here to be your fucking surrogate mother. I don't have to supplement the love you missed out on."

I started to bring my hand up to slap him, but he got to me first. I heard him stand up, my face looking to my right. I could feel the area that he slapped start to sting, and I could hear some noise. I slowly turned my head to see what was making it. The shadow woman was speaking, but I didn't understand what she was saying. All I could see was swirling where her mouth should be and something that sounded like a muffled voice. Very muffled. Hakkai turned around to look at me again, a disgusted look on his face. I could already feel the tears pouring out of my eyes, and wasn't in any rush to hide them.

"You're pathetic you piece of shit," he spat. "Don't try to follow us, I never want to see your face again. If I do, I will kill you." He walked away, his arm around the shadow.

I exhaled, only then noticing I was holding my breath. I sat there on the ground where he left me, the grass no longer feeling as soft as it had, the wind not lightly brushing my hair around, rather whipping it in my face. The sun hid behind dark rain clouds and the pleasant trees across the field looked more like monsters, twisting and reaching. Everything went from a bright atmosphere to a macabre one, everything denoting death and decay. It started to rain.

I awoke with a scream. Tears were already pouring out of my eyes and sweat dripped down my back. I was sitting up before I knew it, my hair sticking to my face. I could hear someone call my name, but unlike in the dream, there was a tone of worry in it.

A/N: I didn't really know if I should end this chapter there... but I decided to do it anyway. It's a short chapter and full of evil Hakkai, but it was just a dream... Hakkai is redeemed in the next chapter. Promise. Please review.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Nope, my deal broke through and I am not the owner of Saiyuki and all that entails. Oh well, better luck next time...

A/N: This is the chapter that contains the quote from the RHCP song. Try and find it. Or don't, it's up to you. But this is a really adorable chapter in which all evil Hakkai will be wiped from your memory.

Chapter three:

I was sitting in my bed, the tears flowing nonstop. I brought my hands up to my face to try to stem some of them, but it wasn't working. That dream had rattled my soul, and I didn't expect to regain my composure for a while. All I could hear was the steady flow of oxygen rushing in and out of my body, the blood pulsing in my ears. The room had suddenly gone black, even though I was sleeping under the window and it was a near full moon out. My whole core tingled, and all of my limbs may as well have been nonexistent. But all of the abnormal sensations in my body stopped when I felt a gentle hand rest on my bare back.

My vision was the last to return, but when it did, I turned my head and saw Hakkai standing over me, his face contorted in worry. His presence was not cold, as it was in my dream, quite the opposite, it was warm and caring. The emotional residue from my dream made me move away from him in horror, which caused him only more worry. He had hurt me in my dream, and I stared at him in terror. The tears dripping down my face was not helping to assuage his fears, but I couldn't help that. At that moment all I felt toward him was fear, and anger, blinding rage that I told myself was only due to the dream, it had nothing to do with reality.

"Gojyo, what happened? Did you have a bad dream?" Hakkai asked, his voice barely above a whisper. I tried to steady my breathing, counting to myself to calm the inexplicable anger I felt.

Then all I felt was guilt. I couldn't believe I was punishing my friend for something my dream had done to me. I relaxed and moved back to the middle of the bed, the tears still flowing freely. I tried to talk, but all that came out was bubbling noises.

"Don't worry, it's okay now," he said with a confused and concerned look directed fully at me. I took a deep cleansing breath and tried again.

"I can't believe it," I mumbled, "I can't believe it."

"What?" He asked, "what can't you believe?"

"I can't believe I would make you so mean," I stared directly in his face to see his reaction. It was more confusion than concern, but the fact that there was still concern lightened my heart. The dream Hakkai was still imprinted on my mind, and I superimposed its character on everything else, namely the real Hakkai.

"What did I do in your dream?" He asked softly.

"You..." I started to cry harder at just the thought, my mind was almost over it, but my body was not obeying. I started to tremble lightly, and all curiosity in Hakkai about my dream faded, replaced by pure and unadulterated worry. He'd never seen me like this, hell, I'd never seen me like this.

"It's okay, if you don't want to say..."

"No... you were mean." In that moment I regained a little courage, and felt the will to continue. "You left me, you teased me. You called me a 'filthy half-breed.'"

His eyes widened in shock. What was going through his mind I could only guess, and at that moment, I didn't want to. I exhaled and looked down at my bed.

"Gojyo, I'm sorry," he said.

I looked up at him in amazement. Did he think it was his fault? That maybe somehow he had hurt me in ways he didn't know? I started to shake my head from side to side, very slowly, my gaze never leaving his.

"This isn't your fault," I said, still unsure that Hakkai had actually apologized for something he had no control over. The tears had relinquished to a steady trickle, and the shaking in my body had stopped altogether. But it wasn't good enough for Hakkai, he had to help me through this. Which is why I wasn't surprised at what he did next, nor did I try to stop it. He crawled on my bed, gently, so as to not unbalance me, and then pulled my head down to rest on his chest. He placed his chin on my head and almost unnoticeably started to rock back and forth. I felt safe in his embrace, though a couple of minutes before that I would have been terrified that he was going to stick a knife in my back.

"Gojyo," he started, "I would never betray you."

I absolutely fell apart after that. My body gave up and fell completely into his embrace, and the tears found their second wind. I curled up in the fetal position and wished only that sleep would come again, and with it bring a peaceful dream. After just minutes of this rocking I was sure I was not going to get back to sleep, and relented to only be held in his arms.

Safe in your hand.

A/N: Awww... See I promised Hakkai would be redeemed. And I lied. There are now two lines of Savior in this fic, not including the title. Please review. And my beta said that this would be a good time to take Gojyo's and Hakkai's relationship farther, which I could do, but tell me what you think.


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